I had planned a post dedicated to Mother's Day last year. However as this weekend has approached, the memories of that day and the meaning of this celebration, whilst very special also feel truly painful. I touched upon the obvious reason in an earlier post... the reality that Mummy is not here for me to physically give her love and thanks for being such a wonderful Mother to me and my sister. An encounter in the florists this week buying gifts for friends only compounded this. As I paid for my flowers the assistant said "Mother's Day cards are just here if you want one". My mouth replied "That's fine thank you", my head replied "I don't need one, my Mother's Dead".
But there was something else adding to the poignancy of this "first" over all the other "firsts" which I couldn't quite put my finger on and then as I walked pup the other day I realised what it was. We knew it would be her last Mother's Day with us. She probably knew it too, but it was never spoken of. That day, it was the elephant in the room, though like Mummy, a very dignified one. But as her daughters, it made the day so, so bittersweet for my sister and I. We felt incredibly blessed to have the day to share with her (because according to the doctor's, she wasn't meant to make it!). Yet as I look back at the photo's, behind the smiles I can see the emotional turmoil we were going through.
Instead, I found this beautiful poem which I would like to share...
I'll think of you with love today, but that is nothing new.
I thought about you yesterday, and days before that too.
I think of you in silence. I often speak your name.
All I have are memories, and your picture in a frame.
Your memory is my keepsake, with which I'll never part.
God has you in his keeping... I have you in my heart.
This will be my last blog post for a little while. There's quite a lot going on at the moment and it's time to take the pressure off and focus on the needs of the next couple of weeks.