Saturday, 20 June 2015

So for now...

Hello! It's been a while hasn't I know. Life's been hectic and stressful to say the least and I've had neither the head space or the time for the blog. Yesterday, however, as I took a breather in between commitments with my cup of coffee and caught up on this post from my dear friend The Online Stylist, something inside me stirred and the "moments of writing" Amanda wrote about came into my head. I share Amanda's love for when words just flow and burst to mind. It's exciting, it gives you a buzz and it is joyous to feel that once again, for now. I equally share her frustration at not being able to take the time to get them written down quick enough because daily life has got in the way. So I am now sat here, coffee in hand, hoping I've remembered everything I thought about writing in this post as I drove onto my next appointment yesterday.

As always, my girls are eager to shower Mr LMLD with cards and gifts tomorrow in honour of Father's Day. Watching the beautiful relationship between father and daughter, observing their interactions filled with love and adoration never fails to make me smile and brings with it such a feeling of contentment with life. Mr LMLD takes his role very seriously, lately much to ED's annoyance. She is at that self conscious teenage "Daddy you're so embarrassing stage" as demonstrated at Parent's Evening this week when she felt Mr LMLD was a little too eager in his questions to her various teacher's about what topics they were covering. With the benefit of hindsight she'll realise that he's just one very, very proud daddy, fully embracing a role whose gifts he was so vehemently denied in his own childhood. Whilst watching them in the park, playing with pup, laughing and joking their true bond shines through. A melt your heart moment but one I know for Mr LMLD is tinged with humbleness.

Tuesday is the 1st Anniversary of losing my beloved Mummy. Wow, where has this last year gone?! So this weekend I am reminded of how we spent these last few days with her. The sad irony of such a situation is that it is a waiting game. You know what's going to happen, it's just a question of when.

Gathered together as a family knowing we were approaching her final hours of life, we filled our time reflecting on our life with her, sharing stories and anecdotes. Dad bought out a bottle of homemade Elderflower wine. He was a keen winemaker back in the day and as part of the process our airing cupboard was home to demijohns of wine fermenting away happily, occasionally overheating and blowing leaving their contents on Mummy's lovely ironed laundry much to her dismay!

Another find that weekend was the name tag put on my wrist when I was born. A meaningful coincidence maybe that I should stumble upon something given to me at the beginning of my life, the life that she created for me, just as her's was ending.

One of the most poignant moments of the weekend, however, was watching my girls and my niece and nephew say one final goodbye to their devoted Nonna. A decision much deliberated upon, but one which we felt was right. In fact if I take one thing from last year, it is to be honest with your children about death. Death happens and they are much more able to cope with it if they know about it and what is going on. We told them what was going to happen to Nonna and why we were all gathered together as a family and so, we took her four grandchildren up to her bedroom one last time, to hold her and hand and give her a kiss. So far this has stood the test of time. My nephew often comments that Nonna is there at the end of his bed watching and smiling at him and this, I know, brings him and us great comfort.

Wishing you all a Happy Weekend


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